Kall me krazy but have the Kardashians reached such a level of celebrity that they actually own a letter of the alphabet? I kontemplated this possibility as I attempted recently to kome up with a list of baby potential baby names. It occurred to me that if I used a girl’s name beginning with K, other people might assume that I was paying homage to the Kardashian klan. This seemed unlikely as it’s nearly impossible to imagine anyone actually liking this family let alone thinking that another human being would like them, and like them enough to fashion a baby’s name after them. Still, I had to wonder if this overexposed, spoiled and kringe-worthy lineage could actually accomplish the ultimate celebrity feat and patent a letter.
It seems even the biggest Kardashian koolaid drinker, Kim, will only date men who have names that begin with her favorite letter. Konsider her estranged husband Kris and her kurrent flame Kanye. Of course then there is Reggie Bush, who kouldn’t possibly have been the love of her life once matriarch Kris pointed out that his name kontained all sorts of unfamilar konsonants.
Had Kourtney named her offspring with names that began with K, the letter kould have been klaimed once and for all by the Kardashian dynasty. Oh well, I guess she had to go and mess that up. And then Khloe had to go and marry Lamar; how could she!?
The only way to save this kollasal katastrophe would be for Kim and Kayne to produce an heir and name him or her accordingly. Then perhaps they kan finally lay klaim to the letter.
Does it seem so far-fetched that the rest of us peons would have to pay them royalties anytime we bestow a name that begins with K upon our own kin? The family kould surely kollect when we dare to kiss, kick, keep or kill. And I kall kopyright infringement on the band KISS, Kindle, Kleenex and KY Jelly!
Finally, may I offer these money making ideas to Kris, who no doubt is laying awake right now dreaming up more ways to take over the world. How about a line of Kardashian Koffees or Kardashian Kleaning Products (perhaps a diamond-encrusted toilet bowl brush)? Don’t kount it out!