Okay, I get it; you hate me. Why else would you give my kid one of these clearly ill intentioned birthday gifts:

1. Play-doh. This sticky, icky goo should come with the following greeting: “Ha, ha good luck getting this out of your rug!” Here’s an idea: why don’t you just wrap up a carton of eggs, stick a bow on it and bring it to my little one’s party?

2. Anything glittery. My hubby especially thanks you for the fact that he couldn’t get the glitter from that princess costume out of his beard before work this morning. He’s sure his new look will go over real well during his big presentation later.

3. Anything alive.  What leads you to believe I need another living thing to care for?

4. Clothes. Face it, we don’t have the same taste in mini fashion. I tend to stay away from clothes that make my daughter resemble a teenage slut.

5. Play makeup. That bright blue eye shadow will undoubtedly look just as pretty on my daughter as it will on the couch, but I’d rather imagine this nightmare scenario instead of live it.
6. Toy weapons. My child will cry, beg and plead with me to let him have that super realistic looking gun you so thoughtfully chose, but I really don’t want my neighbor ducking behind her car the next time he plays outside. So, please don’t turn me into the bad guy and skip gifting my tot with a toy weapon of any kind.

Of course any gift for my child is greatly appreciated as I know you did not have to spend your money on yet another birthday present for someone you only causally know. That being said, can you be sure to include a gift receipt next year?