I have a controversial proposition for you: What if motherhood is enough? Gasp. I know. Every feminist from here to No-bra Bay has told us this is not okay.
But if what motherhood makes me happy? And not in a “look at me on Instagram fingerpainting with my kids at 6 a.m.” kind of way. What if you see me smiling while out walking with my kids, and I’m actually, gasp again, happy?
What if I enjoy playing with my small children instead of resenting every moment and wishing I could get my life back? What if this is my life and I love it?
What if I already know this is the best time in my life, without having my mom tell me?
Of course, I want a minute to myself sometimes — I’m not a cyborg. A shower without little ones peeking their heads in is like a human right. And I want to do yoga alone at least once in a while, although the added resistance of having babies and toddlers on your back can make for a more challenging flow. But yes. Yes! I am a real person who enjoys adult time, too.
I also write. For money. So I have my own life.
Other than that, I want to be a mom. Like, I mostly want to me my kids’ mom. I get fulfillment out of preparing their meals, and shopping for their clothes, and reading the bedtime stories. And yup, I see the spider you drew, sweetheart. It looks like a spider. Truly. And I’m damn proud of that spider drawing.
Motherhood has been the most fulfilling experience of my life and I refuse to apologize for it. I’m not secretly counting down the days until my baby is out of diapers. I love this time. The late nights, the fussiness. It’s not always a joy, but I wouldn’t trade it for vacations away with my husband, or moms nights out up the butt. We’ll talk about those loathsome experiences a different time.
I’m over here with a baby and a preschooler all over me. And it’s wonderful, and fleeting, and when I look at them, I’m genuinely happy. Does that make me a horrible person? That I’m not slowly dying inside, losing my soul to breastfeeding and Baby Shark? That I love this part of my life, being with my kids. That I look forward to my older ones getting home from school, instead of deep sighing that I won’t get anything else accomplished…
If this is so not you, that is 100 percent cool and relatable for a million trillion other parents. If this is you, thanks for reading. You found someone else who, sure, wishes there was more time to shower, but who actually, without excuses and even before naptime, is having a genuinely pretty good life being what most would call “just a mom.” I’m “just” grateful for my kids, who are truly my favorite people, even if they drool on me, and call in the night.
Motherhood is enough. Modeling happiness and fulfilment for my kids is enough, no matter what choices I make. So don’t feel sorry for me if you see me with my hair a mess, wearing the same yoga pants I wore yesterday. I may be having a rough morning, but I’m having a great life.
Spit up and the Suburbs 